he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
