he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
