my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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