You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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