proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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