we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know her cup size but not her name....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
