There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
