It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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