When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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