my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
