My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
