Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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