The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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