Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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