Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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