take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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