His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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