My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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