Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
