What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
