Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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