My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
