Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
