Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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