So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
