I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
