Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
