my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i think my mom watched the whole time
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
