He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
