i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My balls are so social today.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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