At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
