He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
