im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
