all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
