wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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