Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
