Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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