Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
