Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
