Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
