Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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