im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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