she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
