Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
