shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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