i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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