we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
