Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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