imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
