i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
