She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
