I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
