i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
